Make the burning stop.....

Monday, February 19, 2007

WTF does shrove mean anyhow?

(I began this entry on Monday...)

Yesterday was a strange sort of wrinkle in time. I hung out in my apartment enjoying my solitude - alternately writing, painting and lying around in my own filth.
Finally around 4pm I ventured into the shower because I was starting to find myself offensive. Those are the times when a shower feels best - that and when you're sick and stay in bed for three days.


Sadly, I shall have to leave my warm and isolated cocoon in order to finally accept that my vacuum is gone. A trip to Best Buy is in my future along with the much dreaded trip to the laundromat. If I had a laptop I could probably make that experience fun. I'd also probably end up in a fist fight with one of my entertaining "subjects".

The following fabulous photo is from my friend Toniann Scime. She and I went to high school together. Along with my friends Kat, Brenda, Amy O, Melissa and Angela we ate lunch together for four years. In that spirit, when we are all in Buffalo at Chistmas we celebrate with an annual "I can't believe we still know each other from highschool" luncheon. It always seemed cool to me but not that big of a deal... until I talked with a bunch of people who can't tell me where anyone from their past is or which jail they're in.

The body count seems to dwindle each year with familial demands, ritual sacrifice etc. I am glad to say that I haven't missed one yet. (At least not that I recall).
One of Toniann's little xmas trinkets from me was a little Buddha figure who has now taken up residency on Noah's ark. The accompanying email came with my photo - I keep meaning to show you what Buddha's been up to. I have a Noah's Ark, not out of Christian sentiment, obviously, but because I always got a kick out of the animals all "two by two" and that... That is just too fucking adorable for words. It also got me thinking - I wonder if Buddha was sad that he had no one to walk 2x2 with. But then I remembered, Buddha doesn't need to be two by two when he is at one...
Previously mentioned friend Amy O. also sent me a cute little version of my own Sponge Bob song yesterday after I told her I was going to move to a dirigible under the sea.

Who lives in a dirigible under the sea? A-me-be-eth! Absorbent and yellow and porous is she! A-me-be-eth!
I also checked in on Toniann's blog today and liked this movie quote generator so I filled in my own. I was very siked (remember when we spelled it this way?) at the one I got since it is one of my favorite movies. Do you know what its from?

I'm looking for the Army of the Twelve Amybeth.

Which movie was this quote from?

Get your own quotes:


In honor of shrove Tuesday I'm going to have pancakes on Thursday. This evening, I am off to mi primita's to do some editing on the footage we shot Saturday. Yesterday I got home too late to make pancakes. Therefore pancakes on Thursday it is. I can have a shrove Thursday can't I? I mean I don't even observe Lent so I should actually get extra Christian points for doing something all Jesus like. I'll have to draw the line at ashes though.
It's that time of year where I always seem to offend someone so this year may as well not be any different. Here's some advice on standard seasonal answers. (I'll work on more later - off to Yoga!)

When people ask what you've given up for Lent - tell them simply... Lent
When asked why you have ashes on your head? You say they are the remnants of the Roast Lamb of God.
FYI:
v. shrove (shrv) or shrived, shriv·en (shrvn) or shrived, shriv·ing, shrives
v.tr.
1. To hear the confession of and give absolution to (a penitent).
2. To obtain absolution for (oneself) by confessing and doing penance.
v.intr.

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Sunday, February 18, 2007

And now for something previously scheduled...


It wasn't an easy decision but it was a wise one...
The Monthly Show with Aunt Flo has been postponed until Wednesday, March 21 at 8pm.

When I went to speak to Jimmy about all the cool features the show will have...and how I'll need to take more time because of shooting schedules and my learning curve he was great; A little bit irritated but really understanding.

I went in for dinner this past week to smooth things over and following a big hug and a few minutes of assurances, all is copasetic.

I had the cheese plate and the beef stew. It was such a cold and windy evening that the stew hit my belly just right. And I didn't even feel bad about the cow! I usually feel guilt - either immediately or three days after the fact.
In preparation for Flo's debut I spent my Saturday afternoon with my cousin B.C. Hawkins, Ms.Emily Epstein and Kelson. We shot three of our commercial segments for the show featuring odd props and ridiculous outfits. Everything went great and if the amount of laughter from the participants is any guage, I think the audience will pee their pants.

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Boys of Summer and other blather


No sweeter thing could have happened on Valentine's Day than pitchers and catchers reporting.


It means far more to me than any pink plush bear or massive mylar balloon could. Yes folks, it is time for the first official sign that spring is coming (screw that Groundhog - what the hell does he know? I mean really, how can you get an honest reaction out of him with all those screaming freaks around?)

I think mostly because of what was going on with my Momma I didn't see very much baseball last year. This year will be different though. I want to go back to the Ballpark and embrace the bauty of scoring a game, drinking a (disturbingly overpriced) beer and indulging in a dirty water dog or two. My only gripe - other than Steinbrenner's overinflated tickets and concessions - no relish! Can you imagine?*

Chances are pretty good I'll spend most of my time at Shea instead for two pertinent reasons. 1. It's cheaper at Shea. 2. My best friend buys multi- packs and seems to enjoy my obnoxious company at the games. I'll also see either the Mets or (evil) Red Sox at spring training in Florida in March. I need a good soak in the sea, a few rays of sun on my milky white flesh and the motivational horror of seeing myself in a bikini.

Unfortunately, I haven't been running much lately due to an ongoing injury. We aren't sure if its STILL just shin splints or if there might be a stress fracture. Next friday I'll see Dr. Thomas Novella at the Hospital for Special Surgery (Special = does not accept insurance!). I'm beginning to think the problem is due to my orthotics.
Yesterday we got some snow and freezing rain, which sucks, but I have to say it... NYers are pussies. Granted, this is a pedestrian city so it can be a huge pain in the ass to get down the sidewalk or have patience when elevated trains don't run as fast BUT come on people. In a previous post I spoke of the badge of honor NYer's wear, and rightfully so...But I have a badge from Buffalo too and it makes me hearty, down to earth and accessible. Say what you want about Buffalo but it is in fact a City of Good Neighbors. If there's a storm, you can bet that strangers will be out helping each other dig out and uncover their cars and homes.

Monday is a day off and therefor a long weekend. Oh, I am filled with joyousness and frivolity. I plan to do absolutely nothing. I won't even get up o use the bathroom. I'll wear diapers - they seem to be very popular these days. Shame? Pshaw!

Wow...all over the place. I almost forgot.

The Monthly Show with Aunt Flo will not take place on February 21st!!! Alas, we have bitten off a huge chunk and are still chewing. The show will be jam packed with silly commercials, a pro comic you're sure to love, lots of features and of course, you'll finally get to meet Aunt Flo and seek her cousel on any manner of things on your mind.

A minimum of thirty people will make this intimate and warm space seem packed while we all remain comfy and connected. That said punks, you need to bring yo ass and show some love. Really people, if you're in the area and you don't show - the next place you'll be summoned to for a visit with me will be a state mental hospital. (Although it does look real purty there.)
*If you don't like pickles in any form, what do you know?

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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sunday morning tv

I was flipping through channels* this morning and came across the Oak Ridge Boys singing about God and country. It wasn't the flashy sequined stars and stripes shirts they were wearing or the patriotic strains of "these colors don't run"and other such rhetorical, sentimental and trite shite.

What really got me was the commercial within to feed some of the country's hungriest and neediest children - all of which are apparently white Southerners. Now, I'm not saying the only people we should help are children of color living in inner cities. It was just the tone of the commercial that was so racist. The population that created it truly feels that they are forgotten. And they are - by the very government they elected. The same people watching this show and spouting these empty slogans are the very people that brought you the Presidency of Tommy Boy and the horrifying sequel of Dumb and Dumber.

My point is God and country are just as important to us Godless liberals even if we're not wearing a snazzy flag ensemble or driving a pickup with a gun rack.
Oh yeah, I've also discovered that I am afraid of this Oak Ridge Boy.

*When I say channels I mean the fluke like cable situation I have. The universe of Time Warner find it amusing to torment me. I have cable internet but no cable tv. When I hooked the cable to a splitter and plugged it into my tv, an amazing thing happened. I now have TBS (Seinfeld reruns), Comedy Central (which is usually on) and Spike (CSI reruns). However, I no longer get CBS or NBC and Fox can be touchy sometimes.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

That's my mo

From the entry marked 2/1/07
we get this delightful comment from BGH. Anonymously transparent (and a lovable ass...)

Anonymous said...

Hooray blog girl is back. See there are more than 2 people who read this. In explaining all that you've been up to, how could you forget to mention your new part time job at the lesbian club and your first lez sex experience that happened in January. Geez, hello details.
11:56 AM


January? Ummm. Maybe January 1990!!! I did go to college, ya know. That's when us old fashioned gals "experimented". Now the kids get all gaysted and fall all over their friends and people take pictures and post them on their MySpace page.

Do you like how I just tried to play it off like I use that term all the time? Or even coined it (BGH)!!!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

You really like me!

How nice it was to open my email and see that not one or even two but FOUR of you had written to say that you miss my oft times nonsensical (and frequently segue-less) viewpoints.

At the time of this writing my co-worker Bob is sitting next to me eating a tongue sandwich. This is the second day in a row. He's a lovely man and I know how much he enjoys tongue but the smell of it is making my stomach turn. Seriously. And the lip smacking noises aren't helping.

So much to tell you...

First and foremost, I'm premiering a new show on February 21st at 8pm at Jimmy's No. 43 and I'm really excited! It is called "The Monthly Show with Aunt Flo" and is a satirical women's talk show. The format includes some taped segments, live interview, Q and A with Aunt Flo and other regular features I think the public will come to anticipate. So far, the show is scheduled for Jimmy's on the third Wednesday of the month but we may have to make some changes for March.
We went out in the freezing fecking cold last weekend and did some of the man on the street interviews in front of the Brooklyn Museum. I feel pretty certain the corner where the museum sits is the crossroads of every major wind moving through the area at any given time. Talk about frosty nips. Egads, man!

I'm super fortunate to be working with comedians who are really talented and have great ideas: The witty and rather adorable, Ms. Emily Epstein, the incomparable Elon James White, the quirky-cool Raquel D'Apice and the hilariously outlandish Desiree Burch. In addition, my dear friend Kelson, will be functioning as the grip/stage manager. Ms. Kelson has an amazing analytical eye, forward thinking vision and the logistics to figure out what my addled brain cannot. I'm really happy that we're finally working on a project together here in NYC. Back in the day I was Kelson's stage manager when she directed "Luv", was directed by her in "A Light in the Village" and co-starred with her in many drunken adventures throughout the United States and some of Europa!

I just made final plans for a trip to Florida in midMarch which I am super-psyched for. As much as Ilike snow I'm not a big fan of the really low temps and can't wait to let some sunshine hitthis pasty body. I just need enough of a tan to make it look like I took 5 lbs off my ass.

Anyhow, seems like we're off to a decent start. Maybe if I'm more realistic about the blog this time, I'll be more regular about the posting. That said, don't expect something new every day and you just might get it :)

For those of you few faithful (my secret admirer included)...thanks so much for continuing to check in and for encouraging me to keep writing.

A small token of my thanks...

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Fine. Walk away. See if I care


Well, it would seem 2 out of 3 of you do care. I've been recently made aware that my witticisms and random musing actually entertain some people. Well, Amy and Sarah anyhow.


I've been recovering form Christmas when I spent a bleak week in Buffalo missing my Mom, my little apartment and the sense of freedom that NYC gives me. I still love my home. I just have a harder time going there since my Momma's passing.


I also find myself referring to NY as home now and meaning it; It only took 6 years! That's right folks, I just celebrated my 6 year anniversary in NYC on January 2. For some, that doesn't seem like a big deal but it really is. I often say, and most folks I know here agree, that living in NYC is like a job on top of your job. We wear our residency like a badge of accomplishment. Let's be honest man, it can be hard work!


As a (hermit) crab, home is of the utmost importance and finally feeling like I have roots and friends and projects here is a triumph for me. I'm also so far from the life I lived in Buffalo that it would be impossible to go back (at least with those expectations).


So on top of my very obvious and possibly elementary psychological observations, I've also been working on a new show.
Details to come ...
Honest.


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