Make the burning stop.....

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

You snooze you lose


I've often wondered what it would be like to be a narcoleptic? Or better yet, have a narcoleptic friend? Just think of all the fun tricks you could play.

If they pass out while you're sharing a meal, you can eat half of what's on their plate. If they fall asleep when you have to fart, you have someone to blame who can't refute it. ("You must've let one slip during your relaxing nap.") If they fall asleep anywhere near a Sharpee you can walk down the street with Charlie Chaplin, Frankenstein or Adolf Hitler.

There's a very strong possibility that I am being overly presumptious. Perhaps the person wakes up with a perfect memory of what's happened prior to their trip to dreamland... and awakens only to beat you with a rather large stick. I may never know. Sigh.

I told BGH that I'd like a narcoleptic friend and he said, "Ewwww, that's gross. Isn't that someone who sleeps with dead people? or is it someone who compulsively steals?"

Good thing he's pretty...

Friday, August 25, 2006

The streets of Tijuana


The photo above was in the Travel section of the NY Times today. It was brought to my attention bny my co-worker Charles. As it has been a disturbingly quiet Friday at the office Charles decided to make up some captions for the photo. Let me know which one you like best. I know my favorite.

1. Suffering from severe Tequila goggles, Jose takes his date home for some "Mexican Lovin".
2. Pedro heads to the farmacia to for some meds to clear up those pesky stripes on his ass.
3. "FREE ZEBRA SEMEN, SELF SERVE!"
4. Rita eyed the zebra and fondly remembered her days on stage.
5. Drained from 5 consecutive shows, "El Diablo" heads back to his barn with his tamer, Diego "softhands" Perez.

Creative Help Needed!!!


I picked up my bib and chip yesterday for the NYC Half Marathon. I am ridiculously excited. But here's where I need from you all...

Nike is personalizing our shirts for FREE and I don't know what to put on mine!

I'm only allowed 15 characters including spaces. There can only be one line of text, numbers and punctuation only. No stacking of lines.

Looking for creative and/or inspirational suggestions - by 1PM the latest!!!

And by the way...I just found out the last anonymous comment giving me shit for finally posting something wasn't from Rob. So, which one of you is the smart ass who wants to play? :)

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Mooooove over tofu?


About a year ago I started eating meat again after 15 years. I was craving it and that had never happened before. I assumed that I was lacking in something and my body was letting me know.

However, I seem to be waffling back and forth lately about whether or not I want to go back to being a vegetarian. I told you all about the excellent burger I had at Sonia and Ed's. Then I was invited to have a burger with my friend Mo to celebrate her bday(Happy Birthday Maureen!). I was pretty excited about the evening and our meal at Corner Bistro which I've heard has incredible burgers.

I ended up in Yonkers, brushing, petting, feeding and playing with Kelson's cats (Darwin and Dashiell).

The following is Mo's informal review of the Corner Bistro Burger.

CarneyMoon22 (9:43:22 AM): How was your burger!?
Brklynangel7 (9:44:06 AM): hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm good
CarneyMoon22 (9:44:34 AM): as good as you'd heard?
Brklynangel7 (9:44:36 AM): and its such a little dive - it was awesome! If my dad is in town this weekend I might take him there
Brklynangel7 (9:45:36 AM): There is a lot of hype about Corner Bistro - and its a yummy burger - but at the end of the day - its just a burger. So expectations were met - did it live up to the hype - eh who knows!

There you have it folks...an honest, straightforward assessment of prepared cow, on a bun, in the village.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Little Hermit

BGH is pissed! I got several threatening emails today regarding the absence of new posts in the past week.

This weekend was very productive for me. I ran ten miles with Tony on Saturday. Surprisingly my legs weren't as sore as I thought they'd be. Today I do 5 miles, 3 tomorrow, 5 on Thursday and then time off until the half marathon on Sunday.

Later I crashed on the couch and watched Fun With Dick and Jane. Not a great flick but I liked the message in it very much. The credits were the most clever thing about it. I'd be interested to see the 1977 version with Jane Fonda and George Segal.

Later I picked up my friend Eben in Bklyn and we headed to the farthest reaches of Queens for my friend's Sonia and Ed's 4th Annual Colossal Caliente Cookout and pool party. There, I had the third hamburger I've had in 15 years and definitely the best. It was so good I was mooing by the end of the party.

Sunday was my productive day wherein I became determined to find the floor in my bedroom and the surface of my desk. I also caulked the shower, polished silver and organized my Vitamins and OTC medicine bin.

As I read back over that, I wanted to stab myself repeatedly at what has become of my life. Then I realized, I'm perfectly happy puttering around and organizing my home... and I'm happier when everything is in its place.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Somewhat UnNote-Worthy News


After a week of my absence I'm sure you're all (3) huddled in your cubicles trying to figure out what you will use as a substitute for the 3-5 minute window I normally fill.

Fear not...

I am back with little blurbs about what has passed in my little sphere and what's to come.

First up, I've just returned from a much needed sojourn into the woods to commune with nature. (Rob, I just threw up a little in my mouth.) My surprise bday gift from Kelson was a camping trip and white water rafting expedition! Friday after work, Tony, Kel, BGH and I headed through Nueva Jersey for the Barryville Base of the Upper Delaware River.

What I enjoyed most was assuming my usual role as "Sister Fire". After reaching camp, I jumped out of GiGi (Kelson's car)with my firewood and matches and began to gather kindling. I made scrambled eggs, toast and swine the first morning and pancakes the next. I also made the campers call me "CookY" for the weekend.

The rafting trip was an adventure... to say the least. BGH had some pretty funny remarks, most of which had to do with how he really enjoyed the first two scenic miles but was ready to take the van back to camp after the river kept twisting to reveal more river. The highlight came after we thought we were done, only to find out our launch was another mile and a half away. Rob tipped his head back and yelled, "Damn you river!" and I could clearly envision him in black and white wearing a head scarf and cat eye glasses.

In other news Yay for Yao! - I read this story about a week ago and it made me feel better.

As some of you may or may not know, I LOVE sharks. My favorite is the black tipped reef shark but I think they're all pretty fascinating.

I'll never forget going to the Niagara Aquarium with my uncle and cousin Kate and practically crying at the shark use exhibit. I was disgusted that nowhere in the display was there any information about the supreme importance of the shark's role in the health of our oceans. Worse still is the cruel death these sharks endure. They are dragged to the side of the boat, finned and tossed back to the ocean floor. Without water passing through their gills, it is only a matter of time before they suffocate.

This is a shameful and unnecessary waste of an animal's life with no respect for its sacrifice. If an animal is to be killed, let it be in a humane way, using all of its parts with a sense of reverence for the life force and for your own place in the food chain.

OK. deep breath. soap box removed.

Wow, That girl loves her some fishes...

Tick tock, tick tock. 12 more days til I run the first ever NYC Nike Half Marathon. I'll be running with my sister, the over-achiever, at least for the first few miles.

View the inaugural NYC Half-Marathon Presented by NIKE from a NIKE Cheering Zone on Sunday, August 27, and you'll have a great view of your friends, family, and some of the worlds fastest runners and enjoy entertainment, coffee, and breakfast treats.

Ooh! Breakfast treats!

NIKE Cheering Zone 1 at Central Park South and Seventh Avenue will have on-stage entertainment and traditional New York breakfast foods.
NIKE Cheering Zone 2, at West 44th Street and Seventh Avenue in Times Square, entertainment will include a performance by Broadway show stars and breakfast.
NIKE Cheering Zone 3, at Canal Street and the West Side Highway, a DJ will entertain while NIKE serves up fresh waffles. mmm. waffles. The proceeds from all coffee and breakfast sales will go directly to a New York City charity.

yes, but which one?

To plan your morning, see a course map, and perhaps come cheer me on (Oh yeah - and the other athletes) who will battle for $60,000 in prize money, click here. I'll be lucky if I get 6 pennies, pelted at me by a homeless man I'm panting past at 7:30am.

Well that's all the news unfit to print. I'm off to smoke cigarettes and drink pomegranate juice. I'm concerned about free radicals, you see.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Today's email from BGH


BGH:Mel Gibson and I are going, does anyone want to go with us?

AB: The Rabbi Schwartzman and Jackie Mason will attend as my guests.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

No, no, don't speak. Don't speak. Please don't speak.

Please let someone famous do something horrible or embarassing in the next few hours. I can read no more about Mel Gibson or the heatwave in the Tri-state area. It's hot and Mel Gibson is an anti-semite. We get it already. If you have nothing else to report - don't speak.

Unless of course mainstream media feels its time to really address global warming (instead of merely suggesting it might be a cause of record temperatures across the US), the environmental impact of Israeli Hezbollah clashes in Lebanon, Rumsfeld's incredibly busy schedule or George Bush's staggering incompetence and embarrassing behavior.

In the meantime, it's back to go fug yourself.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

No place like home...

YOU GOTTA LOVE NEW YORK WOMEN!!!

My friend Stephanie sent me this the other day and I feel it captures the spirit and friendliness of the women of NYC...


A woman from New York and another woman were seated side-by-side on an
airplane.

The woman from New York, being friendly and all, said: "So, where are you
from?"

The other woman said, "From a place where they know better than to use a
preposition at the end of a sentence."

The woman from New York sat quietly for a moment and then replied:

"So, where are you from, bitch?"