Make the burning stop.....

Monday, October 30, 2006

You'll get nothing and like it.

Please accept my most humble apologies...

I am lazy and have poor time management skills.

I'm rehearsing for Project Playwright and putting stuff together for Still Standing on this Wednesday 11/1. I've also been jumping rope, learning lines, entertaining out of towners and running as much as I can.

Please entertain yourselves and I'll be back in a few more days to astound you with random observations and what I believe to be newsworthy topics (Such as this one which I've subtitled, "Has anyone seen my gloc?")

In the meantime, feel free to write nasty messages to Rush Limbaugh questioning his expertise on Prescription Drug Dosing for Parkinson's or better yet ask him the optimum dosage for his AARP weekend party kit - Oxycontin and Viagra.

What a piece of shit...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Wish I may...

Wish I might...

wish myself into this picture.

It's been a crazy week filled with family, tourism, cocktails, marriage vows and babies.

That's about the only excuse I have for not updating you, dear reader, on the minutia of my life.

I'll be posting pictures in the next week of my cousin's wedding on the beach juxtaposed with photos of the recently FEMA-visited Buffalo.

In the interim I'm going to sleep in my bed again - my couch is not a good sleeping couch...

rehearse (and get off book) for Rope Tricks

get some material together for tomorrow night's show at Jimmy's No.43.

Then I'm going to smoke some rock and put my feet up in my fuzzy monkey socks.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I Represent Victim # 26,936

It's easy to forget how lucky we all are. I mean, everything is relative so its easy to get stuck in your own head and lament the things that haevn't gone your way - both emotionally and in the material realm.

When I was a kid, I knew we were broke but I didn't think we were poor. We did live below the poverty level but there were kids I knew much worse off than I was. When the electricity would get turned off, Mom would remind us that there were people in the world, in our country, in my city that didn't even have homes. If they turned off the gas, we'd all huddle in the livingroom in front of the fireplace and pretend we were camping. Compared to the doorless shacks I saw people living in in Antigua, I knew I was really lucky or the family of 7 with a single Mom around the corner, for that matter.

This doesn't mean I didn't whine for an entire year about being the only girl at school who didn't have a pair of Jordache jeans.

I guess my point is it is always good to keep in mind that when something goes wrong or your situation seems dire, there is always someone out there that has it worse.

And in the case of Darfur - worse on a level we can barely begin to imagine.

Please take a moment or two to fill in one of these forms and send your support and/or money to

Human Rights Watch
International Rescue Committee
Amnesty International

If you find yourself feeling apathetic or like you're only one small voice, please look at these photos.

We are all just random cells clumped together and should look out for each other, dammit... By the luck of the draw I was born here and I'm thankful for that.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Let's play make believe

I auditioned for a short play festival two weeks or so ago and I was cast. Hooray. Best of all, I'll be directed by my very own BGH who I have a great working relationship with.

It will be so good to do some theatre again and it will delay my decision between a job in corrections and an otolaryngologist's assistant.

Project Playwright II
November 14-19, 2006
Tuesday - Saturday at 8PM
Saturday & Sunday at 3PM
Access Theater
380 Broadway 4th floor (between Walker and White just south of Canal)

Updates to follow.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Reptilian Dilemma

I know there are people who don't agree with keeping pets - especially outside the realm of cat or dog. Truth be told, if I could do it all over I probably wouldn't get a snake, much less one that is a carnivore and eats live prey.

When my snake came to live with me it was known as Nick Junior. I bought it from my next door neighbor Nick, after he'd outgrown her and moved on to a crocodile.

I'd had a Ball Python in college, named Falcor and he got mouth rot and died. Prior to his death, he suffered terribly while I stupidly continued to believe I could heal him. He was tube fed, given shots and had his mouth cleaned out 3x everyday with a gross soapy solution. Poor creature.

Back to Nick Junior... Off I went to the vet to make sure this snake was healthy. After being weighed and measured (In 1996, length 6'and 19.6lbs) the snake was probed to determine the sex. Alas, Nick Junior, who I had renamed Seamus was missing the soft penile folds that would have made him a Seamus.

It was then that I embarked on a campaign to find a new, perfect, female name for my snake. I chose two mythical Goddesses - Rhiannon, a Welsh crone and Persephone from the popular Greek myth, explaining the seasons. I wrote both names on a piece of paper and put them about 6 feet away from the snake and let her go. I felt she should have some part in her naming. My brother Matt wasn't very fond of the name Persephone and later admitted that he nudged her a little bit with his foot when I wasn't looking. This is how Rhiannon came to be my snake.

When I moved to NYC my roommates wanted nothing to do with a 6 foot Constrictor in the house (pussies!) so I was forced to leave her with her uncle. It is now 5 years later and she's finally coming to live with me!

The only obstacle - finding a reptile enclosure that will give her adequate space while not taking up half of my apartment. I've found a number of great habitats but seem to be short by about 2800 dollars. My brother and made plans for a new condo for Rhiannon, complete with trees to climb and then he went and bought a house. The nerve! Now he's busy making repairs to his own home. Hmpfh! Like his gutters can't wait?

If anyone knows where I can find a home for my little serpent with the following restrictions, I'd be most grateful.

Nothing institutional - I don't want it to look like a big plastic box you'd find in a petstore.

Nothing over 350 dollars.

An enclosure that is preferably tall rather than wide, as she is arboreal and I'm short on space.

Appropriate heating elements and a floor space large enough for her to bask and soak.

Relatively easy to clean.

Escape proof!

Keep your fingers crossed, people. I'm looking forward to wandering down Hoyt Avenue, in a tank top, tatts exposed with my snake draped around my shoulders. It might just be the thing to get me access to the "boys club" by Crescent Street. Men love a ballsy broad!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

AB Carney's Day Off

Though I am overcome with my own phlegm, have a swollen gland and screwed up sinus cavity on the left side of my head, I am not deathly ill. So I'm not completely playing hooky.

I really enjoyed today. I think I'm happiest puttering about my own space.

After getting back from my sister's on Sunday, I proceeded to lie on the couch for four hours having fitful dreams and sweating a few pints of the remaining fluid in my body. I went in to work Monday morning because my coworkers wanted to celebrate their Hebrewness. I'm not antisemitic, I'm just annoyed with Christmas tholics and Yom Kippur Jews. You know who I mean. The people that like to tell you what to do based on a faith they don't actually practice with any sort of devout behavior.

Back to my happiness...

A crab is always happiest when her home is in some sense of order, with all the elements of family, friends and familiar treasures around. I haven't made it to my desk top yet but I did manage to put away all my laundry which is something I hate almost as much as doing laundry. After coffee and a brief IM session with my BGH, I rearranged the furniture in the livingroom, repotted a few plants, read a new short play I'm doing in November. Incidentally BGH is the director (hmmm...) Then I had a stellar two hour nap.

As always I thank those of you that are just bored enough to acually read my drivel.

Stay tuned as I begin a new weekly feature entry in an attempt to motivate the tiniest bit of discipline in regard to my next incarnation as a writer... of pornographic fiction.