Secret recipe

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, my loving BGH sometimes refers to me as "rat breath". I was previously inclined to believe the reason for this was just to be a catty bitch (in a fun loving way, of course!) Now I think I've discovered a painful truth.

Last Thursday I stopped home before going to BGH's and ate some baba ghanouj and triscuits. Many people make baba ghanouj but only Wegman's makes it jaw droppingly, tongue droolingly tasty. Many of you know, I'd rather drive nails through my skull or do laundry than go grocery shopping. However, Wegman's is the only grocery store I actually don't mind shopping in.

Anyhow, back to my rambling about rat breath.

Wegman's baba ghanouj packs a wicked whallop of garlic so I brushed my teeth twice and used Listerine but I still had a citrus mint/garlic taste in my mouth. I lit a cigarette when I got in the car because like some, driving and smoking naturally go together. As you can imagine, this made the flavor in my mouth something like garlicky butt combined with burning shrubbery and traces of cough syrup.

In an effort to keep from frightening Liz, who I was just about to meet, I grab the lone piece of Peppermint Bubble Yum sitting in the middle console of the
car. I chewed it for a few minutes, cringing, when I remembered that I'd spilled an air freshener in the car some 6 months back. It was the kind of air freshener you only buy when there's nothing left - the sickly sweet floral scent that emanates from the homes of the elderly.

By the time I arrived at BGH's garden party I was nauseous from the taste in my mouth and afraid to talk to anyone who was less than five feet away.

So for the rest of that night I decided to embrace my moniker and eat Doritos, drink beer, smoke cigarettes and eat cupcakes.

Needless to say, I slept alone.