Make the burning stop.....

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I suddenly want spurs

When considering other states I'd like to live in, I have to say Texas is at or near the bottom of the list. I'm honest enough to admit that many of this is based on thin prejudicial ideas of the Lone Star state and its inhabitants. I'm sure all the people can't be superficial, racist yahoos.

OK. Settle down people.

I found this gent on the internet a few years back while searching for something "new and unusual" to give my friend Kelson as a birthday gift. Thus, Kinky Friedman became a favorite link in my habitual internet surfing.

For those of you who don't know, Kinky Friedman is a straight shooting independent candidate for Governor of Texas.

Q: What is Kinky's position on gay marriage?
A: Kinky supports gay marriage and equal rights for homosexuals. He believes that the constitution protects everyone. As he says, "I believe love is bigger than government. And besides, they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us."

Statements like these make me want to pack up and leave New York. Elliot Spitzer just doesn't inspire me like this. In fact, I can't remember the last time I really had any fire in my belly about any candidate. How sad is that? I don't get any inspiration from politics anymore - just rage and disgust.

On the optimistic side, I find it a thing of beauty that there may be someone in (any)office with an actual sense of humor and a sense of justice.

Kinky Friedman for president in 2016?!?!

Monday, September 25, 2006

I always wanted a stalker

My sense of privacy and safety has been shattered. Some twisted freak snuck into my apartment and left this message for me by my keyboard.

I have no choice but to begin more frequent postings before I'm bludgeoned with the rock pictured above.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Have you ever...

seen a cuter picture?
Look at these beautiful babies!!!

I'm off to visit them and help my sister hang on to the one shard of sanity she's managed to save. This means a 2 day work week! and then 4 days of small people using me as a jungle gym.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


Hugo Chavez: "They say they want to impose a democratic model. But that's their democratic model. It's the false democracy of elites, and, I would say, a very original democracy that's imposed by weapons and bombs and firing weapons. What a strange democracy. Aristotle might not recognize it or others who are at the root of democracy. What type of democracy do you impose with marines and bombs?"

Whether you like Chavez or not...he makes a good point.

Friday, September 15, 2006

And now for something ... a little less angry

Brevity has returned. I'm thoroughly medicated and of no danger to any of you or myself.

Rain, rain, go away come again on an off game day (Like NY vs Tampa Bay - who cares?).
This evening I have a ticket to see the Yanks vs. the Sox with Lenny, Pedro and Tony but I have little faith that the game is going to happen. They'll let us all schlepp our asses up to the Bronx and get rained on only to turn us away without nary a sip of overpriced beer or the adrenaline of the best rivalry in baseball.

In other news I have a show coming up - woohoo!

It's only creative thing I seem to do all month so please come and contribute to my piddly drops of remaining self worth.

In all seriousness, last month's show was so much fun.

We're trying to mix things up a little so they'll be a short comedic film brought to you by the New Normal, music from Shayna Ferm, a "quick" reading of a new piece by an up and coming playwright and the comedic stylings of Will McKinley, Carolyn Castiglia, Matt Little and Nick Turner.

And as always, I'll be your lovely host, modeling the latest apparel from Fashion Week (in Latvia).

Still Standing Jimmy's No.43 Wednesday September 20, 2006 8pm.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Despite all my rage...

I am still just a rat in a cage.

Or should I say an undervalued member of the least respected department at my company. All the more reason for me to embrace the classism that kept me so warm as a child when Niagara Mohawk would shut off our heat.

It amazes me the sense of entitlement and obliviousness of the people who have people working under them. Granted this is a rather general statement and therefore I'm sure there are exceptions. I just wonder, when did we transform from a country that values hard work to one that is so snobby and spoiled that anyone working manual labor or in a support capacity is respected as little more than a trained monkey.

I know this can't possibly be true though, because I have a lip service tape embedded in my brain. When my circuitry gets jammed up with silly ideas about moving elsewhere or paying my rent in some other way, I feel a jolt and immediately fall in line.

I am a necessary part of a team! A soul sucking, life crushing team of people who could give a shit about me or my dreams.

Zzzzap! There. All better now. zzzzap!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Secret recipe

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, my loving BGH sometimes refers to me as "rat breath". I was previously inclined to believe the reason for this was just to be a catty bitch (in a fun loving way, of course!) Now I think I've discovered a painful truth.

Last Thursday I stopped home before going to BGH's and ate some baba ghanouj and triscuits. Many people make baba ghanouj but only Wegman's makes it jaw droppingly, tongue droolingly tasty. Many of you know, I'd rather drive nails through my skull or do laundry than go grocery shopping. However, Wegman's is the only grocery store I actually don't mind shopping in.

Anyhow, back to my rambling about rat breath.

Wegman's baba ghanouj packs a wicked whallop of garlic so I brushed my teeth twice and used Listerine but I still had a citrus mint/garlic taste in my mouth. I lit a cigarette when I got in the car because like some, driving and smoking naturally go together. As you can imagine, this made the flavor in my mouth something like garlicky butt combined with burning shrubbery and traces of cough syrup.

In an effort to keep from frightening Liz, who I was just about to meet, I grab the lone piece of Peppermint Bubble Yum sitting in the middle console of the
car. I chewed it for a few minutes, cringing, when I remembered that I'd spilled an air freshener in the car some 6 months back. It was the kind of air freshener you only buy when there's nothing left - the sickly sweet floral scent that emanates from the homes of the elderly.

By the time I arrived at BGH's garden party I was nauseous from the taste in my mouth and afraid to talk to anyone who was less than five feet away.

So for the rest of that night I decided to embrace my moniker and eat Doritos, drink beer, smoke cigarettes and eat cupcakes.

Needless to say, I slept alone.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Goin to the chapel...

Last weekend I journeyed to Buffalo to officiate a wedding. It was as rainy as grey in Ruff Buff as in NYC but the rain held out for the ceremony. I think the highlight for me was the cute little Catholic priest who complimented me on my work at the reception. I was especially flattered after looking out into a very old school, mostly Italian crowd that were clearly wondering what the hell a broad was doing standing up there.

This weekend, amidst last minute calligraphy on about 100 place cards, I'm headed to Maine for the first time. I'm really excited and looking forward to getting away from New York for some place cleaner and quieter. The wedding is at a resort about an hour North of Portland in Casco Bay. I'm determined to go in the water no matter the temperature!

In other news... I've purchased a new haircare product that will prove to be difficult for BGH to hide. It's an enormous can of Root Pump and it sort of looks like an airhorn. I visited his new apartment last night with Tony, BGH and his friend Liz who is in town from Raleigh representin'in an Aveda hair show this weekend. She was so nice and funny AND she offered to make me a little Aveda sample grab bag while she's here! Hooray, I like free things that smell and feel good.

It was good to meet one of BGH's closest friends and sit in his lovely backyard, nibbling on cheese, and trying to avoid a seizure from Rob's "fag lights".

I'll be back on Monday. Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

From the cradle to the grave...

Please welcome Mason Andrew Scheelar to the Carney Clan! My newest nephew arrived on Sunday evening around 2am. When my sister left for the hospital my nephew Hunter said to her, “Good luck Mommy. I hope you have your baby today.” I thought that was just about the cutest thing I ever heard.

Aunt Amy will head to Maryland to bond with the newest little squish at the end of September. I will also wrangle the midgets...

Alas, I have no picture as of yet to show you. You can see my nephew when everyone else does – 6 months from now when Annie Leibovitz and Vanity Fair team up to bring you his first photo shoot.

I’d like to share my sadness at the news of Steve Irwin’s death. I first heard of Steve Irwin when my brother very animatedly described a nature show he watched with this crazy, funny, Australian guy. He proceeded to do an impression of the crocodile hunter where he kept poking his fingers inside the lair of a komodo dragon who was getting increasingly pissed off. He then remarked that if the animal could manuever itself inside the cave, it could turn around and "take the skin right off my finger!" It was the matter of fact way he said it that was so endearing.

I think he was an all too rare creature in this day and age. Steve irwin embodied passion, ethics and enthusiasm. I hope his legacy will be carried on through the kids and kid-like adults (like me) who he inspired to appreciate, respect and conserve wildlife and their environments.