Make the burning stop.....

Monday, February 27, 2006


I'm waiting for my compadre Kelson to pick me up in her little truck. We're off to the Lower Upper East Side to retrieve the last 2 pieces for the Melaina Marion wing, also known as my livingroom. It will be nice to have the swap of the bedroom and livingroom complete. It's funny how even after only six months I'm already so habitual.

I think it will be different when I move the tv into the armoire in the livingroom and set the entertainment center in my room on fire. No tv in the bedroom. It's for my own good. I'd lounge all day, alternating between books and movies.

I'll spend time in the back room which is roomier,brighter and right by the loo. And though I like my "new" bedroom it will take some time to get used to the street noise. This morning someone was going through the garbage for recyclables and I woke at 6am to the sound of clanking bottles. My flippin beer bottles.

Maybe I should switch to cans...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Bad blogger. Bad. Bad.

Thankfully it isn't a lack of things to do that's keeping me from riveting you, dear faithful readers of my drivel. The three of you keep me out of trouble, searching for photos of velociraptors, promoting my friend's shows and providing you with first rate drama.

ok. maybe not the drama.

I've worked an early shift this week, rising at the ass crack of dawn. I have a strange suspicion I may actually have a little bit of a morning person inside me.

This weekend I'll be switching the bedroom and the livingroom in my apartment as well as changing new furniture for old! Yippee. Some day I may even have a home that doesn't look like some eccentric collegiate hand me down. I like my apartment just fine - it's a collage of who I am, but there's something to be said for well made furniture.

I've also been trying to increase my mileage without exacerbating my shin splints. I'll be running a 4 mile event in Central Park with M3... Michael, Melaina and Maureen. Then I'll move furniture. Then I'll fall down and couch myself with some good movies until it's time to usher in another Saturday night in Nueva York.

I'd love to give you fun, extraneous details but it will have to be after the fact...
I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of really funny people.

Peace, y'all.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

From chocolate to self imposed exile

This is part of my horoscope for today...
There's only one person you should be concentrating on -- and that's you. Do something for yourself that feels just a little bit indulgent. You deserve the best, and only you know exactly what you want. Go get it!

I took it as a sign that eating 10 Cadbury Mini Eggs for dinner was a good idea.
It's always strange the morning I commute to work after having driven to, around and back home from Buffalo. I reconfirm for myself the fact that the commute is a part of my job I don't get paid for. Is it so wrong for me to want someone to applaud my efforts?
First there's my early morning strategizing - knowing how many times to hit snooze and still be able to grab coffee and be at my desk before my co-worker rolls her eyes.

Or how about my extreme patience in the face of drones shuffling in front of me, lacking all self-awareness and assuming everyone has the time for a leisurely stroll.
Add to this the daily weather elements and pivotal shoe choices. (comfort vs fashion - wearing sneakers and carrying extra shoes or making a podiatry appointment while zipping up boots with a 2" heel.)

I miss having my coffee steaming by the emergency brake, the front seat covered in my purse, papers and gym bag, NPR on the radio and the heat adjusted perfectly to my liking.

I don't miss the price of gas, looking for parking, paying for parking or doing my part in polluting the planet.

I think the point is I want to work from home in my pajamas.
I think I may be heading towards agoraphobia.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

They say...

...You have to eat a pound of dirt before you die.

I'm pretty sure they didn't mean for you to do it all in one day though. I'm uncertain who they are but I believe them anyhow. I inhaled my lifetime supply of dirt yesterday at my brother's new house and am awaiting my eternal rest.

I made it home to glorious exotic Buffalo in 6 hours and forty five minutes of incredibly windy, slightly hallucinogenic but thankfully, uneventful time. It was this time last year that I fell asleep at the wheel and created the hue challenged car I possess. I am pleased that I didn't add any new touches to the exterior.

In six days my brother will become a home owner and move into his first house. Yippee! (I am now the only sibling that doesn;t own property) The house happens to be next door to the one we lived in for 25 years. It was owned by my friend Marcie's family and I know the inside of it almost as well as I know my own home.

My brother put me to work after I hung out with my Mom over lunch. I brought her a Super Mighty which always proves to be a messy feeding experience. I swept the entire basement ceiling of cobwebs and then we swept the floor and kicked up a hardcore dustbowl. I did such a good job I managed to secure a vacation home as one of the people under the stairs.

The best part by far, was replacing outlets with my brother in the upstairs apartment. I learned how to differentiate the hot and neutral leads and a little bit of terminology . I really liked using the monkeyface though - probably because of the use of the word monkey. *freak* I learned an open ground is ok because any arc in the standard home voltage range will fault to ground.

I want to produce a reality home show starring my brother. Whenever he does something wrong he swears like a crazed man - channeling all his anger through the word fuck. He explains things really well and seems continually surprised at himself that he knows as much as he does without formal education on the subject. He's an electronic, carpentry and general fix-it style velociraptor. Given time, he can figure out how anything works or fits together.

Well, it's off to the pet store for rats and reptile heatbulbs. Then, it's a jaunt to Marshall's for comfy sweats for Momma. Poor creature. Everytime a piece of her clothing gets near the institutional washer and dryer at the nursing home it comes out dwarf sized.

Yes folks, there's another exciting and glamorous day in the life of an aspiring colorful character.

In what will feel like twenty minutes I will get back into the car and drive back to NY. If someone can have a masseuse and large bottle of pharmacological pain go
bye-bye medicine waiting at my apartment, it would be greatly appreciated.

Friday, February 17, 2006

A Right Coast Alternative

I'm considering writing to this girl and letting her know there may be a surplus of prosthetic legs at the MTA Lost and Found - whatdya think?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Lost: One prosthetic leg, Caucasian...

Today while riding the N home from work I glanced up at a cartoonish looking MTA Lost and Found ad (FYI 212.712.4500). The images that stood out most for me would have to be the prosthetic leg and the coiled cobra. I know I hate it when I wake up suddenly at my stop and rush out the door without my cobra... and worse yet when I've forgotten my left leg. *slaps forehead*

I can't tell you grateful I am to the MTA. Next time they paralyze the city I'm going to walk the line with them... me and my ready to strike cobra.

My Dad just chuckled somewhere...

cobra image copyright Dennis Cox.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Truly, I'm not bitter...

Another VD has come and gone, thankfully. I am among the people who think you should pick a random day to show your love and affection rather than mindlessly participating in a Hallmark holiday. For many years I've dourly wished people a Happy VD. ...I'll wager more people have std's than are happily coupled.

In fact, I think we should all celebrate Lupercalia tomorrow. However, here in NYC I'm afraid we'll be using rats, as they are far more plentiful than goats - yeah, even in Astoria.

This is not to say I haven't been remembered by some very cool people through the years. I always want to get flowers at work (sappy sentimental girl) but I'd rather get them some other day. My favorite Valentine's were always from my Mom. I really liked the Valentine I got from my nephew Hunter two years ago with heart and puppydog stickers and a big F.O.P. logo in the corner. My sister Betsy sent me a cool card that made me get all teary and think of us playing house in the attic.

The thing I appreciated most this year actually happened a week or so ago. My dear, wise, friend Roberto sent me an email that said he'd lit a virtual candle for me. It's really serendipitous that he led me to this website because I've been going to light candles for my Mom at a neighborhood church on my lunchbreak. When I was little, and Catholic, I used to stare off into the devotional areas, making my eyes water and my vision blur so that the candles looked like big bright stars.

So now on days when I run during my lunch hour, I can still light a candle and take a moment during my day to think of and send my energy to those I love.

Today I am so grateful for the amazing, kind, beautiful old souls that grace my life.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Recognize and Represent, Bitches!

lounging, originally uploaded by AB Carney.

Feels like home...

The snow is finally here!

I've just come inside to a hot shower and some cocoa after sitting awhile in a snowbank. I got to make a snow angel at last! My neigbors are now convinced that I'm not quite right. I went out to shovel so my little old landlady wouldn't have to. I began playing with these two little girls and after I fell back in the snow and stuck my tongue out to taste the falling flakes, their father called them over in an angry tone. I guess he thought anyone who would willing sit in the snow must pose some sort of threat to his children.

I'm trying hard not to make fun of New Yorkers who freak out at the prediction of 6 inches of snow. I laughed myself silly when I saw all the blizzard warnings. I'm sorry people, but a foot of snow and some drifting do not a blizzard make. I've lived through two or three of them - all of which make this look like any February day in Ruff Buff.

I know its a pain in the ass for a lot of people, especially those with kids, strollers, wheelie suitcases etc. but it's so beautiful. I love this part of a storm - the cars haven't been out enough to muck everything up and turn it into apple pie crumbles... And the fluffy whiteness just keeps coming.

The best part of all of this is I'm parked underneath the TriBoro and have about an inch of snow on and around my car while everyone else is buried!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Number 9

I went into a tattoo parlor today for the first time in close to ten years. It's hard for me to go into one and not get one so I've tended to avoid them. I would never say I regret my tattoos but I do have a few regrets about the placement of one of them. That would be the big one in the middle of my chest. You see, it makes buying dresses and shirts really difficult because only part of the tattoo usually shows and then it just looks trashy. And though it became a joke in my act, I do not like the idea of this woman, this goddess in the middle of my chest, beginning to look like a hung over mother nature wit her arms, once up raised, now flopping at her sides. The worst is when people assume that it's supposed to be Jesus. Hey, I'm down with the King of the Jews but on his best day he did not have breasts.

After the pain of that last one and previously stated regrets I'd sworn I was finished tattooing myself. Then my Momma got sick and the experience has made such a huge mark upon my soul, a jagged scar.

For the past six months my friend Rishi has been bugging me to get a tatt with him. It will be his first and tomorrow is the day.

In March it will be 9 years since Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I want to choose a new symbol, an enduring and positive testament to her life and the family she created.

I was on the phone with Kelson today trying to explain to her what I wanted and in the midst of my stuttering it just floated out - the perfect idea. Mom always had a thing for butterflies. It had a lot to do with their transformative symbolism but more simply their beauty and variety. The monarch was her favorite so that will be the shape, with her initials in the body and I'm adding the initials of myself and my siblings in each of the wings. I've drawn it out and it looks pretty good. The additions of an artist will only make it better.

Night y'all. I'll post a picture tomorrow...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Show her some love y'all....

Alisa Schiff
Originally uploaded by AB Carney.

Please... do yourself a favor and go see this show. Those who know me know I am not a musical theatre fan ... but this is cabaret baby - at it's finest.

I was fortunate enough to go to school with this here incredibly talented lady. I assure you if you make it out to this show, you will not be disappointed. She has a voice that will give you goosebumps.
Sunday February 26 at 7pm

Monday March 6 at 7pm

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Misc. Notes on the Grammy's

Madonna has an insanely amazing body. However, she's starting to look like her head is too big for her body.

I don't care if Bono does occasionally ramble nonsensically about cleaning up elephant dung or Paul McCartney discovering the country we live in, I think he's the shit. Mary J and Bono singing One was excellent. Mary J is all heart. Must download..

I can't honestly say that I've bought any U2 since Achtung Baby! but that doesn't mean I don't follow them. Vertigo is definitely taking on a new meaning for me lately. (I'm even trying to embrace it in some weird way.)

The thing is even before I got my iPod I stopped buying CD's unless I knew I had to have the whole thing and the insert and cover art. But I eventually wound up putting all my CD's into books to save room.

Paul McCartney musing about passing the audition for the Grammy's and then "rockin" out Helter Skelter after his piano ditty. It made me miss my Momma. Paul was always her favorite Beatle and mine of course, is John.

Jay Z was wearing a John Lennon t-shirt with a smokin white suit. Oh shit! Paul McCartney, Linkin Park and Jay Z singing Yesterday with photos of Coretta Scott King in the background. That gave me goosebumps...

I made a cup of really amazing hot chocolate from Angelina's in Paris. It's indescribable. I'm overcompensating for lack of affection [read sex]. (aww. yeah, right.)

I love how they keep stringing us along for the clash of the giant egos when Kanye and Jamie Foxx take the stage. OK. So its not really a clash, more a coming together. Mind you, I know I'll be dancing in my camo footie pj's...

I was happy for Kelly Clarkson. Kanye didn't clean up like the thought he would. Christina over-improvised and I wanted to clasp my hand over her mouth at one point.

For a girl that loves musicians, there was a triumverate of hot oldish guys playing guitar...The king of geeky sexy, Elvis Costello. Working man sexy, Bruce Springsteen and Romantic scruffy accent guy, The Edge. (I'm always partial to the Irish.)

Ahh. That should be good for a hot musician dream tonight, if I'm lucky. More likely, I'll have one of my ex-boyfriend laden, violent, dying snake, wake up sweaty dreams.

Don't worry, I'm in therapy.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Monday's Matrimonial Fugitives

Singles, Breeders, Cohabitators and Loners...

You are all cordially invited to a brand new show produced by the fine folks at Mintyfresh.

Please join me as I humiliate myself in my usual manner at "The Singles Show" on Monday February 6th at 7pm. McGee's Pub 240 West 55th St. 3rd floor. $7.

Come on out! You may meet someone or get rid of someone or get sloppy and kiss the comics :) Either way, it will be a lot of fun listening to the different ways people define what it means to be single.

I hope to see one of you there...

Friday, February 03, 2006

skunk, gasoline, coffee and chlorine

First off I want to give a shout out to Amy Sue – one of my oldest and truest. I get all excited when people write comments. Doesn’t take much, folks. When she sees I posted this picture she may cut me off for good.

She's adorable. I'm a trashy little junior Madonna wannabe. I know you like the hairstyles we're rockin.

I joined a rec center tonight with my co-worker and friend Maureen. She is incredibly inspiring and I’m hoping that we’ll motivate/guilt each other into swimming a lot. She’s in training for a sprint triathlon and it isn’t her first (450-yd. swim, 13-mi. bike, 3.1-mi. run). Yeah Mo! (I’d also like to do one but I’m going to focus on the NY Marathon in 07. (More on this later)

We left the building, me already wearing my bathing cap with my winter coat and scarf. “We’re going swimming!” I told the people in the elevator, and in the lobby and on the street. (OK, I didn’t really wear it outside).

As soon as I walked in I was greeted with the scent of chlorine - which I love. For me, it’s right up there with gasoline at the pump, ground coffee out of the fridge and skunk on the highway.

I was on a swim team from 3rd grade through my freshman year but I haven’t swum regularly in years. (Hehe. Swum just sounds funny.) My events were usually the freestyle relays, the relay medley, swimming backstroke, the 400Back and occasionally the 400 IM. Half way through my sophomore year I got a job and had to quit the team. I wanted my little Geo Spectrum more than I wanted the little medals and ribbons I managed to accumulate over the years. I believe they were usually second place medals and contributed to my self esteem issues and humorously, my love for silver jewelry. I regret my choice to quit in some ways.

Back to tonight…It felt great!

Don’t get me wrong. I definitely have diminished lung capacity and can only swim ¼ of the laps I used to but I didn’t do as badly as I thought I would. I swam almost consistently for half an hour – mostly backstroke and freestyle. I threw in a few laps of breast stroke but it will be a while before I start swimming fly again.

I love the way it feels to pull myself through the water. I like that the only sound I hear is water rushing past my ears. I feel strong and peaceful and solitary.

I am strong.

Yet still off balance