Make the burning stop.....

Thursday, May 26, 2005

...stuck in my head for days...

cradle and all * by ani difranco

fourteenth street and the garbage swirls like a cyclone
three o'clock in the afternoon
and i am going home
f-train is full of high school students
so much shouting, so much laughter
last
night's underwear
in my back pocket
sure sign of the morning after
take me home
take me home and leave me there
think i'm going to cry, i don't know why
think i'm going to sing myself a lullaby
feel free to listen
feel free to stare

i live in new york, new york
the city that never shuts up
in the daylight everything is so gory
you can hear snatches of stranger's sorry stories
and i moved here from buffalo
but that's nothing
the trico plant moved to mexico
left my uncle standing out in the cold
said here's your last paycheck
have fun growing old
take me home
take me home and leave me there
think i'm going to cry, i don't know why
think i'm going to sing myself a lullaby
feel
free to listen
feel free to stare

rockabye baby
in the tree top
when the wind blows
cradle will rock
when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall
and down will come baby
cradle and all

youth is beauty
money is beauty
hell
, beauty is beauty sometimes
it's the luck of the draw
it's the natural law
it's a joke
it's a crime
i
was bored
you were bored
it was a meeting of the minds
now it's three in the afternoon
and i can't leave too soon
saying thank you, i had a nice time

take me home
take
me home and leave me there
think i'm going to cry, i don't know why
think i'm going to sing myself a lullaby
feel free to listen
feel free to stare

rockabye baby
in the tree top
when the wind blows
cradle will rock
when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall
and down will come baby
cradle and all

maybe i'll live my whole life
just getting by
maybe i'll be discovered
maybe i'll be colonized
you could try to train me like a pet
you could try to teach me to behave
but i'll tell you, if i haven't learned it yet
i ain't gonna sit
i ain't gonna stay

take me home
take me home and leave me there
think i'm going to cry, i don't know why
think i'm going to sing myself a lullaby
feel free to listen
feel free to stare

Monday, May 23, 2005

slacker

I wanted to include pictures of familial silliness from the food festival but I lost my camera at my cousins graduation from Purchase. ( The graduation was Friday and the Festival was Saturday)
I was surprised and pleasantly stunned when campus police called to tell me someone turned it in. I like it when I'm wrong about people.

So on Sunday afternoon I took a drive up the Hutch to Purchase to retrieve my expensive toy. As with most state schools or buildings run by a bureaucracy, it took me an hour to find the offices of Public Safety. There was a sign that read "Campus Police" with an arrow that lead down to the end of a hallway. When I got there , I found the offices of the registrar but no sign of the Po-lice.

I went all the way down the long ass hall to the right and all the way down the one to the left...nothing. After wandering around the building for awhile I came upon a nice young officer who showed me to the office down the staircase and around the corner. Clearly I should have known this from the signage.

I was about to leave campus after getting my camera when I saw the sign for the Pepsico Sculpture Gardens.
I was already there, felt pensive and as most New Yorkers, hadn't seen that much grass or nature for awhile.
The flowering trees filled the air with the sweetest smell and I felt so peaceful in the midst of all the sculptures silently waiting to be noticed.

Friday, May 13, 2005

The Most Wonderful Time...

...of the year.

Yes, that's right. It's time for the Ninth Avenue Food Festival. My clan has claimed a place in Hell's Kitchen for the past 25 years and the festival is a family tradition. Every year I meet up with my cousins and my uncle (and my aunt, before she passed away) and make our way downtown from 50th street. We wander through the stalls of clothes and wares, take silly pictures, tell stories and EAT! (and i drink beer. mmmmmm. beer.)

Zeppoles, Rice and Beans, Corn on the Cob and Lemonade, Souvlaki, Samosas and Nan, Cerveza and empanadas...

This year my cousin is bringing her new girlfriend Pia. Kelson will be coming along, of course. An appearance may be made by my newest roommate, young Eric. (young Gregory has to work)

And I may go dancing tomorrow night with my 20 year old cousin who's far more connected than I'll ever be. So there may be photos from the VIP room at Suede.

In the meantime, said cousin gave me a nice bottle of Tasmanian Pinot Noir and I'm off to give it a pull.

Everyone Likes FREE stuff

especially New Yorkers.

Far as I can tell this is legitimate.

go to
http://celestialcoupon.whitehorse.com/
and get yerself some free tea... Yippee!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Death is Everywhere...my morbid fascinations

I have a friend that's been in and out of jail for the past 15 years. Visiting and writing him over this period of time has afforded me an oft times more realistic look into prison life than I wanted. It's also led me to some odd discoveries... like the Texas Department of Corrections Home Page which used to list all the last meals of prisoners on Death Row. They've since removed that portion (it was retrieved by these folks http://www.thememoryhole.org/deaths/texas-final-meals.htm) but there are results for lots states when you do a search of "Death Row Inmates Last Meals". There's also this one... http://www.deadmaneating.com/ but personally I found it a bit off color. (and if you know me, that's saying something). And for the record I am NOT a proponent of the death penalty but will admit that there are few things in this world I can see as strictly black or white.

I find it interesting to look at race, education level completed, crime committed and foods selected to find any inherent patterns . I was amazed and a bit disturbed to see I'm not the only person who finds this stuff interesting. One things for sure - everybody loves chicken!

I gave some thought to what my last meal would be and have a partial list : )
2 slices cheese pizza with bleu cheese (from Mister Pizza on Elmwood Ave. in Buffalo)
Seltzer with POM cherry juice
chocolate covered coconut
steamed asparagus
broccoli with hollandaise
field greens with croutons, beets, goat cheese and my own vinigrette
broiled red snapper
hummus and pita
shortbread cookies and darjeeling tea

(OK, now I'm hungry)

Also on the death tip, as I was looking for my grandparents grave site this week I came across this website
www.findagrave.com.

Finally, another of my favorites when I'm stuck trying to remember if an actor or actress from my childhood is around or not...
http://www.whosaliveandwhosdead.com/



Tuesday, May 10, 2005

My First Ringing Endorsement

from someone besides my Mom or best friend....

My background is in theatre but I've been doing stand up exclusively for the last three years. I was offered an opportunity to do a staged reading of a friend's new play and was excited for the opportunity. Little did I know it would spark up a feeling I missed more than I realized. It seems safe to say the days ahead are going to be a lot busier : )

Hi, Amy Beth,

this is Juan; we met tonight after your wonderful performance. Please, let me know when your Wednesday nights stand-up gigs start. I think your comic timing is dead on and you're adorably cute. I definitelywant to see you perform again very soon. Hoping to hear from you,

Juan E.

Friday, May 06, 2005

In Contention For....Best Compliment Ever....

So there's this guy that keeps asking me out - for the past month or so, and I've managed to put him off or change the subject. Didn't take him very seriously until Wednesday night.

Anyhow, he told me that his friends asked him to describe me and this is what he said.

(slightly paraphrased) "Think of your favorite birthday or Christmas or a time when you won something. That's only one 16th of the excitement this girl personifies. "

Ain't that some shit......

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Momma's favorite story

I've had my Mom on the brain a lot lately and I found myself coming back to a story she used to read me.

Her health is declining and I'm trying to prepare myself for something I know I can never really be prepared for.....


"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side. ... "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out-handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

Monday, May 02, 2005

tangential babble

It's funny to me how I can get caught up in surface stuff and wind up losing my focus. I see it happen every year or two. My preferences, opinions and morality, to an extent, undergo some sort of shift and all of life needs to be prioritized again.

I've always thought I'd have to achieve my career goals on my own (as in single). I assumed I wouldn't find the "right person" (whatever the hell that means) until after I'd accomplished what I set out to do. But I know lots of "struggling artists" who are married, co-habitating, dating etc. and they seem to derive something from it.

I'm sure it sounds like a load of self pity but I'm wondering a lot lately if I wasn't meant to just be alone.....

To be a great aunt, a good friend, a stellar sister....

and a frequent masturbator!

Is there an equation?

for exorcising someone from your heart?

I wish someone would write A Practical Guide to Letting Go. My tenacity prevents me from ever having a firm grasp on that topic.

Today there was a palpable lump in my throat from wanting so badly, to talk to you...