Make the burning stop.....

Monday, October 31, 2005

Merry New Year

originally uploaded by AB Carney.
When I was a little girl, like many others, I was convinced that the moon followed me everywhere I went. It was the earliest sign of the spirituality I would choose in later life. My developmental years were spent initially in the Roman Catholic Church and eventually the Protestant Church. I was very active in both and was the only one of my three siblings to continue going to church after confirmation.

It wasn’t until college that I began to find out about Wicca. It started with books I solicited from other people – the first of which was actually about Satanism. It would appear that Satanism is basically just the antithesis of Christianity and involves performing Christian rituals backwards. Talk about a lack of creativity. I hereby present Satanists the award for “least original religion ever”.

Telling people I was a witch used to spark interesting conversations. Now I hesitate to even bring it up. It occurs to me that I’m just not as passionate about defending my choices and/or debunking stupid old myths that anyone with an internet connection can easily refute. I mean for fucks sake, paganism and matriarchal religions are older than that infantile Christian sect.

Don’t even get me started…

As many of you know Samhain is the time of the year when the veil that divides the spirit and material realms is at its thinnest. It is for this reason that Halloween is the optimal time to contact loved ones who have passed on. It is my second favorite holiday in the pagan calendar. My first is Midsummer.

In addition Samhain is the last stop on the wheel of the year and a good time to make resolutions for the coming year. (I prefer to do it now rather than January 1st because those resolutions are always set to fail!)

My tradition for Halloween has always involved staying in, carving a pumpkin, making some resolutions, honoring the season and doing a full tarot spread for the coming year. It has only included other people on rare occasions.

There is an amazing and palpable amount of energy created in a full circle (13+ members) and I prefer that scenario for Sabbat Observances but not so much for spell work. The difficulty in being a solitary witch is that you must rely solely on yourself for motivation. It isn’t the same thing as having a service scheduled every week where someone sets everything up, decides the lesson, chooses the readings etc. There’s a lot of work that goes into designing a ritual and to be honest, I haven’t had it in me lately.

I haven’t been a very good witch. I trace the decline in my observation of the divine and attention to spirituality on laziness and location.

It all began when I moved to NYC. In Buffalo, I was involved in a coven I helped form and I spent a fair amount of time with pagan friends. I also had easier access and opportunity to be in natural spaces, some of which I was able to inhabit alone. Yes, alone. In NYC, I can find these spaces but very rarely would I ever have them all to myself. I’m also surrounded by concrete, commerce and crap of one kind or another.

My point is that I usually see the divine in a natural surrounding and now I’ve had to reinvent that ideal.

I see and feel the divine now in the little kindnesses I offer and that are offered to me in my interactions with strangers – people I have no reason to extend myself to, but do.

I want to possess an awareness of the weight made by every movement, gesture, word and choice I make. I want to craft my reality out of the very best things I’m capable of visualizing.

I want the moon to follow me home again.

favorite line for the week

Maggie: "Sam, you are a strange, tragic little man."

Addicted To Love

Saturday, October 29, 2005

overwhelming desire

originally uploaded by AB Carney.
i never feel calmer than i do when i'm in water.

see that bright blue spot in the middle there? i would give my left pinky toe to be caught up in there right now...

Thursday, October 27, 2005


Daily Metaphysical, Melodical, Gastronomical, Psychological Check-In:

Song on Repeat: Pigeon Camera - Tragically Hip
Comfort Level of Footwear: scale of 1-10 (1 =low and 10 =high) 2
Desire for Pizza: miniscule (ate too much lunch)
Dominant Obsessive Topic: Weekend Plans
General Mood: Melancholic

I am so relieved to find out that yet another of my maladies has a name.

I suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome which was previously known to me as "Carney Legs".

OK, so I haven't actually been diagnosed with RLS but I've had a hyper kinetic spastic energy coursing through my body since birth. It was suggested to me that they finally had a name for my inability to be still by someone I used to sleep next to. He used to refer to it as grasshopper feet. I just hope some pharmaceutical whore doesn't start reading my blog after a google search gone awry and start spamming me with drug offers.

Unless, of course, the drug offers are for small batch bourbon, Pinot Noir and/or purple haze.

Only on weekends of course :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Does anyone have good suggestions for a thank you gift for someone who buys you a couch? : )

My new couch!

Tuxedo Couch in Kidglove, originally uploaded by AB Carney.

Song on Repeat: Cosy in the Rocket
Comfort Level of Footwear: Black boots, too narrow for left foot.
Desire for Pizza: low to medium
Dominant Obsessive Topic: whether to drive to Buffalo this weekend
General Mood: Strangely Serene

I must admit, the thought of owning a couch you have to put together doesn't conjure up images of plush living.

But I thought I'd give it a shot.

Let me first say...I am a retard.

I have great difficulty with the communication between my brain and my body. For example, I perform physically as a runner and swimmer. However, if you attempt to engage me in a sport that involves a moving object, say, a ball... save yourself some time and call the paramedics.

I have been hit in the head by every ball Wilson makes. Volleyballs, basketballs, hardballs, softballs, footballs, soccerballs and once even, a hackey sack... that didn't hurt much but it did ruin my buzz.

Being so uncoordinated and physically dyslexic I was pleasantly surprised at the finished product. And I made it all by myself!

Mind you, it's supposed to take about an hour to put the couch together. It took me close to 3 hours.

Part of the reason for this is the way I do things.
First off, I failed to clear an adequate amount of space for setting the couch up. Instead, when something got in the way I used the edge of whatever I was holding/attaching to push it gently out of the way, trying not to knock stuff off the coffeetable. I also went back and forth to get things in the middle of the project rather than assembling it all before I began.

I would much rather get annoyed when I can't just push something together and have to retrieve a hammer to "tap" it in. I'd rather stop holding something together awkwardly to run back to the kitchen and get the cordless screw gun or the Phillips head I didn't think I'd need.

It's a metaphor. I always jump to the middle of things - instead of gathering the necessary tools in the beginning and placing them at the ready in front of me.

I'm workin it out folks, workin it out.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Format change

Daily Metaphysical, Melodical, Gastronomical, Psychological Check-In:

Song on Repeat: Soul Survivor A-Kon and Young Jeezy
Comfort Level of Footwear: Barefoot - thankfully
Desire for Pizza: medium to high
Dominant Obsessive Topic: he whose name must not be spoken
General Mood: Content but with a touch of unidentified anxiety

I've been sittin on my new couch. It is spectacular. It has turned the room from not-so-chic squatter to sophisticated. More on this.

Oh trust me, more than you ever wanted to hear about a couch :)

p.s. as a big fan of masturbation, i'll get back to you on the comfort level in that regard.
Oh come on now kids, this is a family publication.

I'm gonna make it after all.....

I get great press wherever I go!

(I'm pissing myself that I made the "Society Page.")

So, this was sent to me by Virginia Leigh, the wife of my 3rd cousin, whose picture y'all saw in an earlier entry. She lives in Pickens, South Carolina where if you're a Yankee you're libel to get stared at. Yup. And good.

As a former proofreader, I'd like to add some notes:
My last name, as both of you know, is different from my professional name. (hehehe -that sounds so pretentious) In this article my name is mispelled and tragically, my fate as a "receptionist" sealed.

I "do" stand up comedy but I am a receptionist.

Reaches for a glass of wine and a bottle of muscle relaxants.

For the record there's only one l in Whissel - unless you're my cousin Meegan who has always spelled it with two l's. Of course she was lucky enough to have been born a Carney.

K.Ellison = Kelson.

She's my best friend who studies rat feces at Columbia... ok, not actually. She doesn't even like me.

I went to Pickens at the request of Miss Virginia, who told me repeatedly that I must visit before she dies (frequently reminding me that she's already 80).

She was incredibly sweet and funny. We looked at pictures from cotillions and picnics. Virginia is a DAR. At one point she told me she had to take an afternoon nap before we all got plastered later. We had a few tense moments... where I realized I was definitely in the South - though I was unsure what year it was. Kelson said "Relax. She's 80. It isn't like she's going to change her mind now."

I am scheduled to visit her next spring so she can take me to Red Springs, North Carolina - the home of my great great Aunt and Uncle who raised my grandmother, Jesse Kate. She lost both her parents within 2 months of one another when she was 15. She then went to live with her cousin Charles, husband of Virginia (for those of you in the house at all confused.) Virginia keeps telling me that the house is "still standing" and that I have "kin still alive there".

I also got a copy of my family tree on my maternal grandmother's side that goes back to 1589. I am related to George Washington on his mothers side (Mary Ball Washington) and I think he's my great-to-the tenth uncle or something like that. Virginia has the whole tree;I'm still trying to decipher the five pages I have. It's a lot of imformation and names to get straight in your minds eye.

Anyhow, in my quest to find my roots I'm also learning what parts of my past to give up.

It feels pretty good. Finally in my own place.

Independent gal in her first solo apartment in the big city letting go of old habits!

Can't you just see me throwing my beret up in the air?

Pickens Sentinel, originally uploaded by AB Carney.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Missing QB

The waters of Lake Queensbridge have frozen over.
A Drumstick wrapper stuck to the icicle-laden side of its banks,
The only reminder that summer once was…..

Her surface is an inky blue black except for the silvery slivers of doily crystals at it's edges
My reflection looks more like the neighborhood when I peer into it.

I watch it change through the seasons,
its banks receding, its cool waters drying up in the New York City sun –
an oppressive human scented heaviness of heat.
Leaving only the muddled remnant of the season past.

Poet Laureate

Whilst at my alma mater I was advised (time and again) that theatre majors really had no business taking electives other than dance. "You'll need it to be a triple threat."

I'm perfectly content to sing as I walk down Hoyt Avenue and shake my ass in various inappropriate places. So I feel pretty confidant saying that I didn't miss out when I traded in a shuffle ball change with jazz hands for a way to express my frequently melancholy side.

That said, I decided to pursue a minor in creative writing: Poetry. I only write sporadically now but you, lucky two readers, are going to get to peruse some. The primary reason for this is that I'm unpacking and keep coming across these little musings on bevnaps, ratty looseleaf and the inside of manilla file folders.

Saturday, October 22, 2005


I reread a bunch of these posts and realize that for someone who thinks of themselves as a funny person, there really isn't much to laugh at here.

But I find that to be a more accurate statement about historically humorous people anyway.

(note: I am in no way implying I am or will ever be historically funny. I'm bad with dates. rimshot).

Can someone please come over and make me empty the last of the boxes?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Yeah bitches

In an effort to become a better comic and increase my chances of getting laid, I'm trying to get booked in more shows. On that note, Tuesday November 8th at 8pm, please join me for Mintyfresh at Galapagos in hipstertown, Brooklyn 70 North 6th Street between Kent and Wythe. (L train to Bedford Avenue). The show features comedy, burlesque-esque and other fun filled nonsense. What else are you gonna do on a Tuesday night?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Virginia Leigh

Virginia Leigh
Originally uploaded by AB Carney.

Virginia Leigh on the porch of Aunt Sue's
near Table Rock, S.C.

Upcoming Gig

Upcoming Gig
Originally uploaded by AB Carney.
Tuesday October 18th at 7:30, come on out to the new home of Chicks and Giggles